And we're back! As my favorite Boston sportwriter, Bill Simmons (@sportsguy33) tweeted, Steven Jackson is injured, the NFL season has officially begun!
And it began with a bang! Raise your hand if you are in a cut throat pool and are already out! My hand is not raised because I prefer the kind of pools that suck my money weekly with no elimination (but nary a chance of winning either!). But seriously. Let's take a quick gander...I will start with real football, not fantasy (in which my team had the high score this week....I might add)....Here we go...
Let's go through this....starting with the NO SURPRISE category:
Eagles - Rams
- As predicted, Steven Jackson showed tremendous promise and then promptly got injured. Nothing new in the Loo there. Adding insult to injury...Sam Bradford went down too. Here's hoping the Cardlinal's make a run.
- Mike Vick and DeSean Jackson showed whey they BOTH need to be paid - you listening Eagle's brass? Mike Vick may not have tossed for as many yards as Brees or Rodgers, but he ran, he threw, he scrambled.....he just keeps things interesting! (Also my fantasy QB - we beat Drew Brees...take that fancy yardage QB!)
Colts - Texans
- OK, maybe the ABSOLUTE destruction was a surprise, but did anyone expect the Colts to do ANYTHING sans Peyton? Really? I mean.... I am fairly sure I saw Kerry Collins at some hipster bar in Williamsburg eating a burrito a month ago....But it wasn't even all his fault. Do you think Jim Caldwell woke up and said, Oh Shit! Now I have to actually try to COACH this team? If he did, it didn't work. Yikes. Jim Irsay's twitter account is going to blow.
Jets - Cowboys
- Tony Romo choked. AGAIN. Somewhere Jessica Simpson was watching that game screaming, "see, I told you it wasn't me!"
- Plax had a TD. Somewhere Eli Manning was screaming, "Damn you and those pocketless sweatpants! We had it so good!"
- Is it me or does Rob Ryan look like Rex's evil doppelganger. The man doesn't smile, he doesn't appear to bathe and frankly, he makes Rex look hot and, that in itself is quite a feat! (no pun intended!)
And that sums up the "NO SURPRISE" category. Let's move into the....hmmm...let's call it...the "GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT...AND WAIT...AND WAIT..." category.
Joe Flacco finally defeats Big Ben and The Steelers
- If only Mike Tomlin (aka, Foreman) coached the Ravens, I would have nothing to like about the Steelers and could really mock them (oh wait, I think James Harrison is on my all-Pro Hot Team.....yeah, ok, if he and Mike Tomlin were in the Ravens organization then...). But I do happen to like Foreman, so I can't mock Big Ben and co as much as I would like...
- With that said...7 turnovers? WHAT? Then you try to start a random brawl? WHAT? What a joke is more like it! You get it JOE/RAY (squared - Lewis and Rice) and Ed Reed, you definitely still have it. Anquan, good to see Flacco finally remembered your name.
- Ray Rice - love him. He is like a bowling ball barreling through. Reminds me of Joe Morris from the Giants back in the day. Anyone remember Joe? We kind of have the same body. Low to the ground, big legs....
How about them Lions? And Bears?
Matthew Stafford to Megatron ALL DAY! Calvin Johnson is a BEAST!! The Lions are fun to watch with that pairing. Between this and the new season of Hung, Detroit's renaissance may be coming faster than we thought!
Atlanta?
What the hell happened??? Brian Urlacher scores a TD on you? My theory? Matt Ryan was busy focusing on the ovation that Mike Vick was going to get in the Dome NEXT week. Focus Matty, focus.
Buffalo!
How fun - Ryan Fitzpatrick to Stevie Johnson! Stevie Johnson - sounds so cute! Wait, I better check out a photo of him, stat. I need to see if he is as cute as his name. I would love him to be on the all Pro-Hot team. Stay tuned.
Jamaal Charles? All I can say is that I am so glad I didn't pick you with my first pick (hello Mike Vick!).
Next category? How about VINDICATION?
1. Rex Grossman - if for only one week and against the Giants' B team (that includes Eli) - you shushed the haters. I personally shut a few down, if only for sport, on twitter :)
2. Cam Newton - all those people saying you were going to be an average rookie, making rookie mistakes....well - you sure showed them. In fairness - it was against the Cards defense and you did lose, but in doing so, you broke a record and racked up my fantasy points, HELLO Steve Smith! Bring it CAM! Remember Steve Smith....all season please.
3. ME (and TO, @terrelowens) - yup, I felt very vindicated with Chester Cheetoh throwing for a really intimidating 37 yards. YIKES! Look out, here comes Diva McNabb and he is racking up the....minutes for the other teams' offense :) Ha! Another game like that and we don't have to "Ponder" the next move in Minny.
Tonight's games? Well, it was looking OK for the Fins for a minute, but....sadly, it is UGG Season in the MIA and Tommy is coming through....I need to be objective here. Now that the hair is a bit better and...as long as he doesn't open his mouth or try to dance (spare us, please!!), Tom Brady is back on the all Pro Hot team. Yup, I said it.
However, I have noted someone who has not made much of a splash tonight.....Chad Ochocino has been Chad Donde Esta........ We could put that into the "NO SURPRISE" category.
As for the late game? Who's playing? Tebow vs. some guy dressed in skeleton outfit or something? Yeah, I don't think I will stay up for that one.
Sadly, this has gone on a lot longer than I thought so I don't have time to fully describe the beatdown I gave my fantasy league this week except to say....BEATDOWN! Ok, there are a few players (not my direct opponent, phew) who may be able to catch me point-wise, although doubtful....All this with one play by Steven Jackson, a no-show by Mike Sims Walker....Still killing it!
OK peeps, my carpal tunnel is starting to kick in....and I am sure everyone has stopped reading at this point. SO, I will sign off.....not before saying......how about them RAYS!! OK, that's all I am going to say on that. Karma is still a bitch and the Yankees haven't locked anything down yet...but...... how about them RAYS!
And one final word, in all seriousness...is there anyone out there who didn't tear up a little during the "Empire State of Mind" State Farm commercial. Fantastic. I never got tired of it. It was amazing.
Oh, and one final, final word - BRING ON THE ENTOURAGE MOVIE!
Now, I am out.....GO YANKEES :)
And it began with a bang! Raise your hand if you are in a cut throat pool and are already out! My hand is not raised because I prefer the kind of pools that suck my money weekly with no elimination (but nary a chance of winning either!). But seriously. Let's take a quick gander...I will start with real football, not fantasy (in which my team had the high score this week....I might add)....Here we go...
Let's go through this....starting with the NO SURPRISE category:
Eagles - Rams
- As predicted, Steven Jackson showed tremendous promise and then promptly got injured. Nothing new in the Loo there. Adding insult to injury...Sam Bradford went down too. Here's hoping the Cardlinal's make a run.
- Mike Vick and DeSean Jackson showed whey they BOTH need to be paid - you listening Eagle's brass? Mike Vick may not have tossed for as many yards as Brees or Rodgers, but he ran, he threw, he scrambled.....he just keeps things interesting! (Also my fantasy QB - we beat Drew Brees...take that fancy yardage QB!)
Colts - Texans
- OK, maybe the ABSOLUTE destruction was a surprise, but did anyone expect the Colts to do ANYTHING sans Peyton? Really? I mean.... I am fairly sure I saw Kerry Collins at some hipster bar in Williamsburg eating a burrito a month ago....But it wasn't even all his fault. Do you think Jim Caldwell woke up and said, Oh Shit! Now I have to actually try to COACH this team? If he did, it didn't work. Yikes. Jim Irsay's twitter account is going to blow.
Jets - Cowboys
- Tony Romo choked. AGAIN. Somewhere Jessica Simpson was watching that game screaming, "see, I told you it wasn't me!"
- Plax had a TD. Somewhere Eli Manning was screaming, "Damn you and those pocketless sweatpants! We had it so good!"
- Is it me or does Rob Ryan look like Rex's evil doppelganger. The man doesn't smile, he doesn't appear to bathe and frankly, he makes Rex look hot and, that in itself is quite a feat! (no pun intended!)
And that sums up the "NO SURPRISE" category. Let's move into the....hmmm...let's call it...the "GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT...AND WAIT...AND WAIT..." category.
Joe Flacco finally defeats Big Ben and The Steelers
- If only Mike Tomlin (aka, Foreman) coached the Ravens, I would have nothing to like about the Steelers and could really mock them (oh wait, I think James Harrison is on my all-Pro Hot Team.....yeah, ok, if he and Mike Tomlin were in the Ravens organization then...). But I do happen to like Foreman, so I can't mock Big Ben and co as much as I would like...
- With that said...7 turnovers? WHAT? Then you try to start a random brawl? WHAT? What a joke is more like it! You get it JOE/RAY (squared - Lewis and Rice) and Ed Reed, you definitely still have it. Anquan, good to see Flacco finally remembered your name.
- Ray Rice - love him. He is like a bowling ball barreling through. Reminds me of Joe Morris from the Giants back in the day. Anyone remember Joe? We kind of have the same body. Low to the ground, big legs....
How about them Lions? And Bears?
Matthew Stafford to Megatron ALL DAY! Calvin Johnson is a BEAST!! The Lions are fun to watch with that pairing. Between this and the new season of Hung, Detroit's renaissance may be coming faster than we thought!
Atlanta?
What the hell happened??? Brian Urlacher scores a TD on you? My theory? Matt Ryan was busy focusing on the ovation that Mike Vick was going to get in the Dome NEXT week. Focus Matty, focus.
Buffalo!
How fun - Ryan Fitzpatrick to Stevie Johnson! Stevie Johnson - sounds so cute! Wait, I better check out a photo of him, stat. I need to see if he is as cute as his name. I would love him to be on the all Pro-Hot team. Stay tuned.
Jamaal Charles? All I can say is that I am so glad I didn't pick you with my first pick (hello Mike Vick!).
Next category? How about VINDICATION?
1. Rex Grossman - if for only one week and against the Giants' B team (that includes Eli) - you shushed the haters. I personally shut a few down, if only for sport, on twitter :)
2. Cam Newton - all those people saying you were going to be an average rookie, making rookie mistakes....well - you sure showed them. In fairness - it was against the Cards defense and you did lose, but in doing so, you broke a record and racked up my fantasy points, HELLO Steve Smith! Bring it CAM! Remember Steve Smith....all season please.
3. ME (and TO, @terrelowens) - yup, I felt very vindicated with Chester Cheetoh throwing for a really intimidating 37 yards. YIKES! Look out, here comes Diva McNabb and he is racking up the....minutes for the other teams' offense :) Ha! Another game like that and we don't have to "Ponder" the next move in Minny.
Tonight's games? Well, it was looking OK for the Fins for a minute, but....sadly, it is UGG Season in the MIA and Tommy is coming through....I need to be objective here. Now that the hair is a bit better and...as long as he doesn't open his mouth or try to dance (spare us, please!!), Tom Brady is back on the all Pro Hot team. Yup, I said it.
However, I have noted someone who has not made much of a splash tonight.....Chad Ochocino has been Chad Donde Esta........ We could put that into the "NO SURPRISE" category.
As for the late game? Who's playing? Tebow vs. some guy dressed in skeleton outfit or something? Yeah, I don't think I will stay up for that one.
Sadly, this has gone on a lot longer than I thought so I don't have time to fully describe the beatdown I gave my fantasy league this week except to say....BEATDOWN! Ok, there are a few players (not my direct opponent, phew) who may be able to catch me point-wise, although doubtful....All this with one play by Steven Jackson, a no-show by Mike Sims Walker....Still killing it!
OK peeps, my carpal tunnel is starting to kick in....and I am sure everyone has stopped reading at this point. SO, I will sign off.....not before saying......how about them RAYS!! OK, that's all I am going to say on that. Karma is still a bitch and the Yankees haven't locked anything down yet...but...... how about them RAYS!
And one final word, in all seriousness...is there anyone out there who didn't tear up a little during the "Empire State of Mind" State Farm commercial. Fantastic. I never got tired of it. It was amazing.
Oh, and one final, final word - BRING ON THE ENTOURAGE MOVIE!
Now, I am out.....GO YANKEES :)
