Thursday, July 28, 2011

Free Agent Frenzy - Day Three

Well, well, well. It sure has been a wild week - the "free agency frenzy" certainly has lived up to the hype! Where to begin? How about with baseball. Is it me or does anyone else think Big Papi is back on el jugo? I mean last year the guy was the walking wounded - literally, and this year he is smashing grand slams? Really?? Oh, and the umpires can't seem to make a call to save their lives. Poor Pittsburgh, 19 innings and the ump blows a call Stevie Wonder could have made. CC, robbed by a rainstorm, damn.

But I digress....Back to the NFL - PS, as much as I love the Yankees and, make no mistake, I LOVE the Yankees..... How much better is Sportscenter and overall sports talk when the NFL is back in business. Seriously! SOOOOOOO much better.

OK, on to the business at hand......Apparently Santa did not read my wish list. Donovan is not in exile in Buffalo but in Minny without Sydney Rice who has randomly headed off to Seattle for a ridiculous price, hey wait, that rhymes. Nice :) Hasselbeck is out, Tavaris is reuinuted with Rice. Um, is the owner of the Seahawks competing with the Mariners for the most ridiculous team in Seattle? Hey, King Felix has a great arm, perhaps he could compete with Jackson for the starting job since they rudely aren't trading him to the Yankees. Wait, why am I focusing so much time on SEATTLE? How about Minny, you tried your hand at a washed up, OG last year. How'd that work out for you? Round two this time with Chester. How many games do we give Donny M before he goes down with a hammy? Two, three? Ponder, it doesnt take too much thought (get it?) to tell you that you will be suiting up this year. Oh, and if you do beat out D. McEgo in training camp, even better!!! Bring it! Finally, I am NOT picking AP #1 in my FFL. Not feeling it. You?

Reggie taking his talents to South Beach (bet I am the first person to come up with that joke, so clever). How many games do we give Reggie before he recreates his sex tape with KK (oh wait, she is marrying that dude from the "Nets." I'll ask again, how many games before Reggie and Kim make a sequel? And who is pulling for it.....ME! Not the tape itself (pervs), but the reunion. Much better match than that dude from the "Nets." If Ronnie stays with Miami (odds?), the Ronnie/Reggie show would be an upgrade from the Ronnie/Ricky show, no? The weed dealers will be bummed though.

Dallas? Jerry is dropping stars like New Englanders do R's. Roy Williams - bust (but good thing they kept him over TO - nice ego move Jason Garrett). Marion Barber - hot. I know he is an injury risk, but the man is a beast when he is on....and when he is off - as in the sidelines - he is fantastic eye candy. Yum. Can't wait to see who you end up with Marion....I may have to buy the NFL ticket....oh, and if you end up with TO somehow.....NFL Santa, are you listening? Leonard Davis? I have a special place for him ever since we bonded in Dallas right after he signed the contract. For the record, his WIFE probably could suit up for the NFL as well. She is NOT small. Random fact.

Cincy. Pride will bite you in the ass Mike Brown. Carson Palmer does NOT want to play for you (my theory? Its the uniform...I love tigers , the color orange AND an animal print...but even I think those things are UGLY) and he does NOT want to retire. What? He made a commitment and you are holding him to it? I would be curious to know how many player contracts your hypocritical ass pulled out of. Just get over your pride already. Drop him, pick up Vince Young or something. Let the man go. Just cuz his hair and scruff match the uniform doesn't a good match make. Let go and be free.

Speaking of the Bengals letting go....I guess it is time for the segue....Ocho Cinco to NE? What? Brady to Ocho? I am already vomiting. Haynesworth to NE? Yup, everyone is once again saying, Belichek's a genius. I ask, if he is such a genius, why isn't he smart enough to know that his sweatshirt looks like crap? Has Haynesworth miraculously gotten into shape and also picked up a new attitude? Time will tell. What happens the first time Ocho dances in the end zone? Belichek's sweatshirt will probably spontaneously combust. Wait, that would be a great thing...hmmm..

J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets Jets. Brilliantly re-signing Santonio.....but do they REALLY need Nmamdi whatshisname (I wouldn't complain, guy is lovely and I wouldn't need the NFL ticket to watch him...ooh, I am feeling the all pro hot team coming to NYC....sanchez, nmamdi...can I get a TO? and perhaps Marion Barber...NFL Santa? Please??).

Kevin Kolb will be throwing the ball to one of the nicest receivers in the NFL. Frankly, Larry Fitzgerald, I hope Kolb is everything he is cracked up to be. You work hard, you seem nice, you deserve a good opportunity. Really, I mean this. I don't have to be snarky all the time.

Desean Jackson holding out? This should be interesting. Remember the last time an amazing wide receiver THREATENED to hold out in Philly? We got sit ups in the driveway and a mess of a season. Desean, please sign. Mike Vick needs you. I need you. Who else will humiliate the Giants? Speaking of the Giants. Sean O'Hara gone and Plax probably back? Here's hoping his at least got a holster to wear with his sweats at the club.

I have so much more to say, report on, comment on....but I have gone on, LONG enough. I am exhausted, bikram has scrambled my brain and rendered me all but silly puddy. Gotta head to bed. I am SURE there will be MUCH more to report on tomorrow. I may also re-think my overuse of capitals for emphasis. To be determined.

Just a few random closing thoughts....
Necessary Roughness on USA - have you tuned in? It is great? EXCEPT (haven't given up the caps yet), TK as a loose interpretation of TO is a BAD interpretation of TO. And the therapist only takes one ep to get through to her patients. If only it was that easy.

One of my favorite (OK, my favorite, despite his love of all things Boston) columnists for ESPN is Bill Simmons (the Sports Guy). I plan to provide links to some of my favorite columns of his. Here is my absolute favorite - its about basketball (as a lot of his stuff is) and The Wire. Not really applicable to Free Agent Frenzy week, but it is amazing. Read and enjoy!
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/part1/110503&sportCat=nba

John Clayton hits twitter and on the first day has over 150,000 followers? (including yours truly). All the kids that beat him up in middle school and high school are now following him on twitter. @claytonESPN. Patience, he is still learning.

Thats it people. I must go to bed. More tomorrow. Where will Vince end up? And why isn't anyone talking about TO? (Besides me, of course).

Goodnight and go Yankees.
xoxo (too Gossip Girl?).

2 comments:

  1. Yes. Can you end it with a holla or a fist bump, America?

    And can you talk about Tebow tomorrow? And make the background for subsequent pages wings?

    Great job, Killer

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  2. Awesome posts, Lady! I can't wait to read more, and I agree w/the above...I was waiting with bated breath to see what sage words you had about Mr. Tebow. Cannot wait. Cannot. Wait.

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