Where Have I Been?

Chris Carter just called and said, "Where you at?"  When CC calls I realize it is time to "buckle up my chin strap" and get back out there.  To my loyal fan(s?), I say, good news, i'm  back.  For this week at least.  Baby steps.....

Where have I been?  Hmmm....Let's see....

- Wandering the country looking for the Yankees' bats?  Check.

- Trapped on a treadmill at Barry's Bootcamp?  Check

- Touring NFL front offices on the "Bring Back TO tour" No, but I should have been.  Starting in NJ. 

- Caught up in the corporate rat race?  Um, sure.  Check.

- Watching "What Time Is It?" over and over on youtube, fruitlessly hoping that by watching, Ray Lewis'     tricep would answer, "Game time" and miraculously recover.  Check AND check.

While all of the above are honorable pursuits, I haven't been writing.  But why not?  What is it about this NFL season that has left my fingers idle?  (Other than I have a really hard time "typing" on my ipad)?  I can't say this season is without storylines.  Peyton is back and, while maybe not better than ever, he is living up to his well deserved reputation and has made Denver fans conveniently forget that one season ago they were cheering for back-up Jesus as if he was truly the second coming.   The Year of the Rookie QB is living up to the hype.  RGIII has lit up DC - it is only a matter of time before he sorts out that hair and grill and becomes the true stud he could be.  Who's with me?  Andrew Luck is making the "rebuilding" in Indy look like a rush job.   Not to mention Tannehill, Wilson, etc, etc.  AP came back and is killing it when no one thought he had a chance this season...Falconss, led my Matty Ice are undefeated Tebow remains benched despite Mark Sanchez being, well...Mark Sanchez...so, why am I left cold?

Perhaps it is because, to me, this feels like a transition year.  End of an era type thing.  Maybe I just need to adjust to the new storylines in the NFL.  It was fun loving Tom Brady back in the pre-Gisell days.  The snow game, the first SB.  Then it was even more fun hating Tommy Uggs, Mr. Bundchen, Mr. Pontail in Rio.  But have we even heard of Tommy this season?  I guess he's playing but there are new storylines now.  Hell, I don't even know if he has long or short hair this season.  Gronk is all we hear now.  Gronk this and gronk that.  Sounds like someone has a digestive problem.

Ray Lewis out for the season?  Well, why would anyone even want to watch a Sunday Night or Monday Night Ravens game without the huddle?  Even Faith Hill seems a little dimmer without Ray.

No TO?  No Chad?  Ok, I know I have been accused of and, frankly, have owned being a TO homer, but seriously.  When receivers catch TD passes this season, do you wait to see what is going to happen next?  OK, Cruz does his salsa, ok.  That's cute.  But I haven't had any popcorn with my TD catches in awhile.  And I miss it. And admit it....so do you.

I can't even discuss my boys in Philly.  Mike Vick?  Where YOU at?  Run Mike, run.  And if you don't, let Shady run.  But whatever the two of you do, stop letting the equipment guy butter up your gloves.  Get a new equipment guy!  Yes, I am blaming the gloves, not the hands.  And fire the OL, try to play without them, it can't be any worse!  I think the Philly OL is secretly on the payroll of the NY Giants.  Honestly. 

Randy Moss is in SF. Snooze.  13 catches and an interview with Lil Wayne.  That's not inspiring me to was poetic.  The niners are good, but ever since Vernon cut his hair and they choked against the Giants last year, well, I have lost interest.  But props to the SF Giants! 

I guess this season has given me a bit of football "whatever".  Admittedly I don't like change and maybe this is my transition year.  With that said, I am still watching and always waiting to go from "whatever" to "sweet, its Sunday again!"  (Oh yeah, forgot to mention how much I hate Thurs football....).  I am hopeful that today's Eagles/Cowboys game might get me there.  Here's hoping Mike Vick and Andy Reid can bring the magic back today.

I know change is inevitable (except the White House this year - OBAMA!), but that doesn't mean I have to embrace it all at once.  Second half of the season awaits, I am sure I will make the necessary adjustments, just like the Eagles are about to do :)

If not, I always have the Lakers and part time Phil Jackson.....don't get me started....

Peace and bring back TO...

S

GIRLS JUST WANNA WATCH FOOTBALL: What time is it? Tell us Ray...GAME TIME!

GIRLS JUST WANNA WATCH FOOTBALL: What time is it? Tell us Ray...GAME TIME!: In the immortal words of Mike Greenberg, we are back and better than ever!  And by we, I could mean several we's......The NFL!  Girls Just ...

What time is it? Tell us Ray...GAME TIME!

In the immortal words of Mike Greenberg, we are back and better than ever!  And by we, I could mean several we's......The NFL!  Girls Just Wanna Watch Football blog (the royal we), MoJo, Peyton....but I don't mean the NFL referees!  Nope, they are not back and the replacement refs are not better than ever...  But hey!  They have ref'd the always popular lingerie bowl, so we should be in for some good cat calls...oh, I mean whistles!  But anyway....

This is a season full of intrigue.....Let's take a look at a few of this year's most pressing questions:

1.  T2 or Pretty boy Sanchez - I wish I didn't have to even mention this, but there it is.  Do I have a choice?  As a responsible, serious football blogger, can I simply skip this mind numbingly dull topic?  No, I can't.  So, in a nutshell - the Jets have one good player who is indeed on an island - poor Darrelle Revis.   Personally, I am harboring a not so secret hope that Sanchez defies all detractors (and the porous OL he has been stuck with) and kills it, thereby eliminating any hope that back-up Jesus becomes Grand Poobah here in NYC.  I can't take it, or his devout followers.  The best thing I have heard so far in the ENDLESS yapping about this questionably talented duo is that when Timmy speaks he bears a striking resemblance to Will Ferrell in Elf.  If you haven't done, it...listen to them side by side.  Insert Jesus for Santa and you have an exact match. Try it.   Moving on.

2.  Peyton is BAAAACK!  Frankly, I am not sure the devout fans in Denver deserve an actual QB, but alas, John Elway was never a devout fan and, as a result....he went and found himself not only a real QB, but one of the best QBs....can his neck handle it?  Um...it's Peyton Manning - does anyone really think he would come back if there was any doubt?  I am not so secretly hoping that he tears it up in Denver and proves to the fans there who seem to have forgotten what real QB play is...well, what real QB play actually is.  (Note to self, must work on transitions...).  Plus, isn't everyone happy to have Peyton back (and better than ever) in commercials again?

3.  Andrew Luck - the runaway number one pick.  The future.  Peyton part II.  A sure thing.  Uh, no pressure or anything.  Good Lu...um, bueno suerte!

4.  Michael Vick's kevlar vest - ok, this may not intrigue the ENTIRE league, but it intrigues me!  C'mon, admit it...you are curious to see what happens if Vick can stay on the field the entire season.  Combine a full season with the way he looked in the 2010/2011 season?  The Vick experience would be back and...say it with me....better than ever!

5.  Can Cam repeat?  Sticking with mobile QBs....can Cam get better?  Dare we say it?  If he learns to throw with true accuracy...uh, he is Michael Vick plus 6 inches and about 60 lbs.  Watch out league.

6.  Can Tommy Uggs, Brandon Lloyd, Gronk, and Aaron Hernandez (he needs a nickname) sweep and and erase the pain and suffering for NE fans due to Ray Allen's defection?  The Red Sox 2012 Bloody Valentine?  I am overtly (no secret here) hoping they cannot....BUT....since we seem to be in the middle of a Yankees late season collapse, I will be generous of spirit and say that I hope they put up a good season...just not kissing the trophy at the end.  Haven't we all seen Tommy Uggs kissing that damn thing one too many times??

7.  Will the 24 hour detail on Dez Bryant free him to play up to his potential?  Or will the young boy buck and find himself in more trouble?  I am pulling for you Dez (and not just because I picked you up in my FFL)...

8.  RGIII, already has a cool nickname, has a smile ready for the cameras, Mike Shanahan actually seems to LIKE him.  Redskins are probably doomed.  Put I am pulling for you RGIII!

9.  Will the Saints prove that the coach is actually more of a figurehead than anything else?  Do you think coaches around the league are all slightly worried that the Saints are going to be just find without Payton?  Belicheck to Brady - don't even think about donning this awesome, cut off sweatshirt.  You aren't half the man to fill this out....

10.  And finally, the one my devoted readers have been waiting for....will TO play in the league this year?  So he dropped some balls in pre-season...that I could have caught.  So?  He has always buttered up the gloves a bit before games...but did that stop him from being the 2nd all time leader in receptions?  Nope.  Pete Carroll, bad move.  Rest of the league - come on!  I mean, NYJ, do you really have better options?  Think about it. 

Bonus question:  Is there anyone in the league who motivates more than Ray Lewis?  You think so?  Think again.  Watch this and then ask yourself one question......WHAT TIME IS IT?  GAME TIME!  Time to buckle up your chin straps.  Are you ready?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0ysMOV8TYU

Glad to be back! 

Thoughts to the NYY - they are swooning...UGH!
 

Correction/apology/and a new member of APHT

Hi guys!

Ok, I must first apologize for the typo's in yesterday's blog! Yikes - I need to hire an editor.  My bad.  I also can't figure out how to edit without creating a new post....not that bright...

I also want to clarify that it is Ryan Clark - not Grant that is not playing for the Steelers today.  Although, technically, Ryan Grant is NOT playing for the Steelers today either.....I am sorry to Ryan Clark for this egregious error, especially because he is my favorite 1st and 10 panelist - he kills Skip.  Wait, it is a toss up between him and Stephen A. 

Finally, after watching all the hoopla surrounding the Giants/Falcons game, I would like to introduce a new, starting member of my All Pro Hot Team...Julio Jones.  Welcome.  Good Lord, how did I miss that all season????

Back to regularly scheduled NFL games.....

PS, smart move to have a trombone player doing the national anthem (no potential embarassing lyric slips) or "we couldn't get a celeb to do it"?  Curious.

Peace and thank you Jorge Posada!!!  We love you and you will be missed!

Best of Times...Worst of Times

Happy New Year!  Wow, already 2012.  Doesn't seem like just yesterday when we were celebrating the end of the lockout (NFL, that is for the NBA is was yesterday), drafting our fantasy teams, discussing the possibility of the Jets and/or Bills taking over supremacy of the AFC East.  Ah, good times.  But alas, here we are, wild card weekend!

I find myself torn by wildcard weekend its a great weekend that signals the end.... I mean, two great games per day - both on major networks that your cable company carries!  Hurray!   But wait, I would prefer to watch the Eagles or perhaps Cam Newton's Panthers.  Oh right....they're done.  Boo.  Football season is virtually over.  Once that Fantasy Football commercial "you had a bad day" with First and Ted....Rocky Mtn. High, Romolicious....etc starts playing, you know its done.  The NFL season is over.  But wait people, we still have a few more great games left so.....stop your crying (ok, that's probably just me) and let's take a look at what we have to expect....

On today's roster...

Dalton vs. Yates. Wait, what?  Who?  AKA, red headed kid vs. guy who took over for Matt and Matt.  Strangely, despite the anonymity of the QB's, I think this will be one of the best games of the weekend.  Wait, I just realized - what is it with Cincy and their predilection for ginger QB's - Carson Palmer followed by Andy Dalton?  Is it a Cincy requirement?  Is it because the ginger hair goes well with their uniforms?  Hmmm....further research will be required.  Stay tuned.  PS, for those keeping track at home... neither is on my all pro hot team.

What can be expected?  Well, here's hoping Jerome Simpson tops his own amazing feat of flipping over a defender and into the end zone, sticking the landing for the most amazing TD of the season.  Perhpas AJ Green will try to top him?  But what of Houston?  First time in the playoffs, playing with a flu-ridden 3rd string QB who was given the starting job after the Matts went down.    Will Andre play?  Who do I want to win?  Really its a toss up.  I guess I lean to Cincy - any team that has a receiver who can flip into the end zone is good for TV!

Ok, onto Detroit/New Orleans.   Tough assignment for the Lions.  Heading to the Dome to face Drew Brees's arm, the Who Dat fan nation (can someone PLEASE explain this to me - what the hell is who dat?) and, well Drew Brees' arm.   Things don't look great for the first playoff game for the Detroit Lions in 19 years.  But who knows - New Orleans got their win when their city needed it most and God knows Detroit needs a win - in so many ways.....Divine intervention?   Perhaps we should consult Tebow.  I hear he has the hotline.  Stafford's arm is no joke either and let's not forget he has Megatron on the other end of that arm....They also have the beast Ndamukong Suh facing Drew on the other side of the ball  (as long as he keeps his feet to himself) so....The Lions aren't dead in the water.....just floating with no life jacket....I would be happy with a win for either team here....New Orleans, one of my favorite cities, Detroit, the comeback kid story.....its a win/win.

But Sunday.....yeah, here my opinions are a bit more in play :)

Giants/Atlanta.  As any of you who read this blog or have ever spoken to me know, I am not a huge fan of Eli Manning and, as such, the NY football Giants.  Not to mention that I also feel that the Eagles should be playing the Falcons this weekend.  But, I won't go there (next year, Eagles, next year....).  Now, with that, I find myself slightly torn - I LOVE Victor Cruz.  Undrafted, salsa dancing, UMASS attending, Victor Cruz.  So....here's my best case scenario......4th Quarter - Giants down by 6 (27 - 21 - with Cruz having scored 3 TDs); final play of the game, Eli goes up to throw for the win......PICKED OFF!  Falcons win, Cruz kills it and I go home happy.  Perfect scenario.  Tebow - work on that, will you?

Steelers/Denver (aka, Tebow's flock).  Talk about Divine Intervention....Tebow accidentally wound up in the playoffs despite 2 final humiliating losses.  His last game he threw for an intimidating 60 yards.  Look out.  Now, the Steelers are with a hobbled bathroom Ben and without Rashard Mendenhal or Ryan Grant BUT if they lose to Tebow's flock, they will never live it down AND I think religious conversions will be at an all time high!  Granted Tebow has McGahee and a good defense (and Jesus), but the Steelers have, well, so much more...There is no way that Foreman, I mean Tomlin (House, people, watch it, it will make more sense) will allow his team to fall in Mile High City.  Plus, I think the Steelers are driven by a deep desire to face my true love Ray Lewis and the Bengals to try to avenge their 2 regular season losses.  To paraphrase the immortal words of Jay Z - Tebow, "we're not looking at you we're looking past you"......

That's what I have this week.  Next week, look out.  Tommy Uggs, my husband, ARodge, the return of the Niners.  BIG week....But sad week....closer to the end....

But closer to spring training and March Madness!!  And Idol :)

Peace out and go Lakers.

S

Can the Eagles Soar again?

Hello faithful readers!  Happy Holidays!!  Wow, it has been since Thanksgiving.  So sorry, I have been busy burying my head in the hopes that the Tebow mania would FINALLY, MERCIFULLY  come to an end.  Well, he lost.  "But look how much he's improved!"  Says Skip Bayless...."He's definitely going to be a Bronco next year" said a beleagured, tebowed-down John Elway.  Nope, the Tebow mania continues.  He wins - Tebow is the great motivator, he just knows how to win!  He loses?  Tebow left it all on the field, he just got beat by Tommy Uggs - show me someone in the league who hasnt!  A noble defeat.  I get it, he's teflon Tebow!  Santa, all I want for Christmas is one Tebow free Sports Center.  Please?  I have been nice.

But here I am, getting caught up in it.  A whole paragraph has gone by and I have not once mentioned the suddenly soaring Philadelphia Eagles!  Welcome back Vick!  With you in the game, so is Desean.  With Desean in the game, Shady gets room to run and run forest run!  The man is the fastest in the league, sorry AP.  Shady just may run his way to the playoffs.  What?  How so, you say.  Watch this.....

Jets beat the Giants this weekend; Eagles beat the Boys - hell, even Jerry is nervous, just ask him.  Next week......
Eagles beat the Skins, Boys beat the Giants.   EAGLES win the division!  WHAT?  Hey Santa, I take it back.  All I want for Christmas is the aforementioned scenario.  Stranger things have happened.  Dream team indeed!  Ok, but I won't get ahead of myself.  Eli/Coughlin have to choke against Sanchez and Sexy Rexy....Come on Gang Green.  Do it for me.  Do it for Greeny.  Do it for the kids.  Cromartie's kids.

What else?  Packers finally went down.  To the Saints?  Nope.  Falcons?  Nope.  Niners?  Negative, they went down to the mighty, mighty  Chiefs.  Led by?  Former Tebow stand in - Kyle Orton!  How about that.  Seems Orton knows how to win too!  Tebow must have taught him.

Breesy is about to take down Marino's single season passing record.  Who thinks that secretly Dan Marino is praying for some sort of freak hand accident to hit Drew Brees this weekend?  Deep, deep down inside.  Hey?  How did TU not break it the season he played with Randy?   Hmmm.

Can someone explain Tebow mania when it should be CAMcrazy!  Love Cam Newton - watching him throw the football doesnt make you cringe and want to suggest he try a differenct sport (a la Tebow), he runs like the wind and he is adorable.  Definitely all rookie pro hot team MVP.  Oh wait, Tebow isn't a rookie!  Everyone just keeps saying he is!

How about them Dolphins.  Who loves to spoil the dream for their opponents more than them?  Spoiler alert, Reggie Bush is back to legit!  Back with kimmy too? 

The Colts win on the same day they announce that Peyton Manning will not play this year.  Hmmm....perhaps they should have made that announcement earlier, that way the team wouldn't have waited for him each game.  But really?  Did they mean he will never play for the Colts again.  Tear....

Ha!  As predicted, Diva McNabb did NOT get picked up.  Karma's a bitch Chester Cheetoh!  Ok, TO didn't get picked up either.  Maybe it actually was mutual and karma is kicking both their asses.  Nope. I don't like that scenario.  I still say it was all McNabb and his mom that ruined the TO to McNabb awesomeness that was Philly.

My love Ray comes back, screams in the huddle and the Ravens get mauled by the Chargers.  Total coincidence.  Ray, you and your boys will win the division.  Take that bathroom Ben.  Why did you play on that ankle anyway?  Omar Epps senior, you should have stopped him!  Oh, and speaking of THAT game.  Someone should tell the electric guy at Candlestick - its just the name of the stadium, not the preferred method of lighting. 

Can you believe there are only two weeks left in the regular season?  It seems like just yesterday the lockout ended and everyone was dancing in the streets.  Tear again.  Thank God the NBA is back.  Idol's back.  College basketball is heating up....and so are the Eagles!!  (See above).  All is not lost. 

Ok, I am beginning to bore even my number one fan - myself.   I can't let this post end without a shout out to Lamar and Khloe.  Dallas doesn't know whats about to happen!  Lamar, no more clotheslining Dirk!  Be nice now!  Lakers....WTF were you thinking/  Ugh.

Ok, peace out.  Noel.  Merry, merry.  Happy happy.

Go Yankees (and no...it's not too early).

Peace.

Tebow.

Tis the Season to be Tebow....

Ok, the Tebow craze is bananas.  Like seriously nuts.  Back up Jesus has turned into our Lord and Savior.  In addition to somehow energizing the Denver D and going an improbable 5-1, he also has ended the NBA lockout, broken up Kim and Chris, solved global warming, brought Sandusky to justice, helped UNLV to victory......he is....the most interesting man in the NFL.  All while passing like a pop-warner linebacker.  Poor, poor John Elway.

Dare I go on?  Is there anything else to discuss in the NFL today?  Not if Skip Bayless has anything to say about it.  BUT, I will see if I can dig up some gems.....

Tommy Uggs is back.  Damn.  I was sort of enjoying their supposed fall from grace.  But really?  Did anyone think that Giselle's husband was going to give up his AFC throne that easily to a himbo from NY?  Defense or no, the Pat's still have Laurel and Hardy as receiver/TE - Welker (who frankly gives Pedroia a run for his money as the shortest, most beloved Boston sports figure) and Gradkowski (or is that the kicker) a BEAST of a TE who runs like a gazelle.  How on earth does he do that.  For the record, none of the above are on my all pro-hot team.  Well, Tommy Uggs has a permanent slot, I forgot, damn him.

Speaking of sexy Rexy - is anyone besides me TOTALLY freaked out by his brother Rob?   I can't watch the Cowboys for fear that I may catch a glimpse of him.  With that said, Laurent Robinson - thank you, my fantasy team is SO happy you have arrived!  And with the Eagles horrific dream to nightmare season, I think I may be reverting back to another former TO team - let's go Cowboys....as long as I avert my eyes from Rob and onto say....hmmm...Bradie James (def all-pro hot team) then I am good.  Plus, if the 'Boys can knock out the Giants, bring it! 

But back to Rex, ok.  LT is old and hurt, Shonn Greene is hurt (I think...right?) - so you're running game is suspect.  You have Santonio - ok.  Plax?  TBD.   You know who you need, right?  Come on faithful readers, say it with me.......TO!!!  Dustin, you can give up 81, correct?  There is still time.  Excuse me, I need to go make a call to Drew Rosenhaus.

What else, Packers undefeated, yeah, yeah.  Ok, Aaron Rodgers is an absolute beast.  He has essentially been perfect this year and has virtually erased the memories of that narcissistic gungslinger Fav-ra.  His play would ALMOST garner him a spot on the APHT (all pro hot team for you slower readers), but sadly, it doesnt - sorry ARodge.  Although, guess who's getting his groove back and can give ARodge a run for his money?  Breesy baby.  And his scar is just cool enough that he can sit the bench on the APHT - not a starter, but definitely some playing time.  Go Saints.  I would say "who dat", but I don't really get that, to be honest.  So there's that.

Niners lost on Thanksgiving in a heartbreaker to the Ravens - sans my number one, veteran APHT (and my future husband) #62.   He may not have been playing, but his pre-game huddle was in full effect.  Does anyone else get goosebumps watching that pre-game pep talk/yell?   And PS, Torrey Smith, welcome to the APHT!   As for the Niners, you will be fine - hell, Wilbon thinks you are better than New Orleans so, keep your left coast chins up.  And Vernon, please re-grow your hair.  Please?

Lions, for the first time in what feels like forever, people were happy to watch you on Thanksgiving.  And what happens?  Ndamukong Suh "accidentally" stomps on their chances of a victory.  Now, in fairness, their big chance and they are playing the Packers?  That's just rough luck, but come on Suh?  And, unlike Baby's dad, when you are wrong, you don't say you are wrong and that's just, well, wrong.  Ok, am I the only one who got that last line :)

Indy, sorry.  Really sorry.  Good Luck.  Haha.  So obvious.

Michael Vick - as I mention in virtually every post - I love you.  Is there something I don't know about your rib injury that makes it different from Tony Romo's?  I mean, how can you let TRomo look tougher than you?  Strap on your kevlar and get back out there!  Well, too late now.  No need to rush back.  We can continue to watch Vince Young throw like a girl, to the other team.  Hey,  at least his girly throws put up some numbers for my fantasy team.

Ok, I have gone on WAY to long so the time has come for me to wrap it up.

Welcome back NBA - except for those stuck in China! Woops, shoulda read that small print!  Go Lakers!

OK, peace out and Drew - call me.  We can make magic with TO and the Jets.  Really.  Hey wait, maybe Tebow can help me negotiate this deal.  I'll call him.

Peace and go Yankees!  Ok, too early.  Go Lakers!  and for the love of Tebow - bring back TO!